ESSENTIALS 3: STRESS
#3.3 Stress Management
At a stage of life when women have the menopause to cope with there can be so many other potential stresses! Work, family, money, relationships, children, and elderly relatives are just some of the things we may be dealing with. It really doesn’t seem fair that this is all piled up on top of us in one go does it?
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HOWEVER the fact is that STRESS is one of the biggest drivers of the symptoms and emotions we often experience in the Years of Change.
Stress affects our Gut Health, our overall mental state, our ability to cope, our relationships, our work and so much more. It can drive us to the biscuit tin or the drinks cupboard, it makes us snappy and irritable, it makes us tired and fed up. Unfortunately, when there is a menopause to deal with in addition to a stressful situation, it can be very difficult to know where to start. You may feel as though there is a huge weight on your shoulders that is difficult to shake off or that you feel like you are “wading through treacle”. It can sometimes feel easier to do nothing than to have to make decisions about how to address the issue.
If you know that this is YOU then it is worth taking a step back and looking at what you can change to make things better. One step at a time. Taking control and making changes can be the hardest thing to do but can make such a huge difference! It may sound silly but how do you know if you are stressed? We don’t always recognise it in ourselves although we can usually recognise it in others. Take a look at WARNING SIGNS OF STRESS which may help you to determine if your stress levels are taking their toll on your health and wellbeing.
HOW DO YOU COPE WITH STRESS?
Often, we choose ineffective ways to cope with stress levels such as;
• Overeating especially carbs / sweet foods / chocolate / bread / biscuits
• Undereating
• Drinking too much alcohol
• Using caffeine to get through the day
• Over exercising
• Overspending / retail therapy / too much TV (stops you thinking /good distraction)
• Smoking
• Aggressive behaviour
• Overworking
Even though we are aware that these coping mechanisms are unhealthy it can feel like climbing a mountain to change these habits. Finding alternative ways to cope will help you to discard unhealthy habits and slowly replacing them with better alternatives. Try to remind yourself that choosing unhealthy coping mechanisms will add to menopausal symptoms, the very thing we are trying to avoid!
DO YOU CHOOSE STRESS?
This is a thought I believe we should consider. Is it possible that you overload yourself, try to do too much and take on more than you can cope with?Depending on what kind of person you are it is so easy to try to do too much! Are you the one person everyone relies on, who does everything for their family whilst holding down a demanding job?
Is this because you find it hard to delegate or find it hard to let others take on things you feel are “your job”? Or maybe you schedule too much in your diary? Over the years I have been aware of many women who become stressed because they are flying from one thing to another; a nail appointment that has been scheduled in and then over-runs. This then means you are rushing to meet a friend for a pre arranged lunch.
It may seem ridiculous but this can create stress!
HEALTHIER WAYS TO MANAGE STRESS AND CREATE BALANCE
• VIGOROUS EXERCISE/ ACTIVITIES
Physical activities are a great outlet! Whether you go for a run, chop wood, stomp round the countryside, vigorously mop the floor or do a strength session; the release of those feel-good hormones, ENDORPHINS, will give you a stress-reducing high!
• RESTORATIVE EXERCISE / ACTIVITIES
Relaxation, Pilates, Yoga, Meditation, Walking in nature, techniques in breathing and mindfulness all have a calming effect and will allow you to refocus. See Restorative activities and breathing techniques for help, and consider using one of the mindfulness apps such as CALM; find a class to attend or learn new ways of relaxing.
And of course, massage therapies, reflexology and similar are amazing for creating calm and reducing stress.
• HOBBIES FOR CREATING CALM
Reading, listening to music, painting, drawing, crafts or any hobby that creates calm will be helpful in reducing stress.
• ANIMALS
Stroking a pet has wonderful benefits! If you have pets, take time to sit and stroke them and talk to them.
• LAUGHTER THERAPY
There is nothing like laughter to lift your mood! Find ways of increasing laughter in your life!
• OPTIMAL SLEEP AND REST
When you sleep better, everything seems better. Poor sleep is one of the major symptoms in menopause and there are many ways to work on improving your poor sleep patterns.
• RADICAL SELF CARE
Are you making time for YOU? Stopping when you feel unwell? Eating well? Resting enough?
Are you over-consuming alcohol, sugar and carbs? Are you using nicotine or other medication to deal with stress? Are you addicted to screens and social media? Do you delegate or are you being a martyr? Perhaps it is time to change unhealthy habits and practice some self-care!
• POSITIVE SELF TALK
IT’S OK TO NOT BE OK. IT’S OK TO CRY. NOBODY IS PERFECT!
Try saying positive things to yourself such as…
“ I can deal with it”.
“I will use my relaxation /other techniques and I will feel better”.
“I’ve got this”!
Face a mirror and say these things to yourself, talk to yourself when you’re out walking - the power of positivity is immense!
• TALK TO SOMEONE
Confiding in a friend or family member and talking out your problems, even if there is no immediate solution, can make you feel so much better.
• ACCEPT WHAT YOU CANNOT CHANGE
Sometimes problems cannot be avoided or solved immediately. Situations may be unavoidable.
This time of change is going to happen, you are going to be different, become older, look different, feel different.
Accepting the changes is such a positive way to reduce the stress they may be loading on you.
• UNDERSTAND YOUR STRENGTHS AND WEAKNESSES
Make a list of both your strengths and your weaknesses. Focus on your strengths and accept that we all have weaknesses. See the positives in yourself. Allow yourself to make mistakes.
• KEEP THINGS IN PERSPECTIVE
Write things down, list the options, weigh up the pros and cons, decide and act accordingly.
Use humour, laugh it off.
Look at the good side.
Change your focus; turn to something else for a while; think ahead - will it still matter as much then?
Think of the worst; think of the best- is it unlikely to resolve itself?
What could you do to make things better?
Shrug it off, move on.
Do something to help someone else in need; this will help to put your own life in to perspective
• AVOID THE BATTLEGROUND!
When you feel like you are getting into a disagreement with someone; try and step back and allow yourself to agree with them. Allow them to have their way, even if you don’t necessarily agree! This may then lead to them agreeing with you on something else. This brings a sense of cooperation, can change the emotional environment and therefore helps to take the stress out of the conversation.
• SAY NO!
It is the hardest thing to do when you are people pleaser (this is me again!) but so much better when you learn the art of saying that simple word!
Think about how you say no, “I would love to but unfortunately I just can’t commit to it at this time” “I am sorry but my diary is full!” You don’t need to offend or feel that you are offending. It’s easy when you give it some thought!
• MANAGE YOUR TIME BETTER, PLAN AHEAD AND TRY NOT TO TAKE ON TOO MUCH
Again, I am so guilty of not doing this! Work in progress but hey, we can’t be perfect at everything and shouldn’t feel bad if we aren’t. It will only serve to create more STRESS!!!
• CHANGE WHAT YOU CAN AND SET YOURSELF GOALS
Believe that the answer lies within you! You can take advice and listen to others but ultimately it is only YOU who can make the changes.
Change is CHALLENGING,
Relapses HAPPEN
and maintaining better habits is TOUGH!